Appropriate sidelines conduct

Twenty or thirty years ago, watching children play a basketball or baseball game was an uncomplicated and pleasurable pastime. Parents would bring children to the court or diamond, hang around the field and chitchat with other parents. When the game ended, the players would hop into the family car and head for the nearest ice cream parlour.

These days however, children’s games are no longer as pristine and pure. Professional sports attitudes and media coverage have become so pervasive that youth and school sports too often mimic professional sports which are essentially business whose goal is to turn a profit by entertaining fans. This usually requires that one team — preferably the host — has to win. This has gradually led adults in youth and school sports to often make the crucial mistake of adopting the win-at-all-costs mindset of professional sports. Moreover, always looming in the air is the question: “Could my child have the talent to win a college scholarship?”

And so it has come to pass that parents, not children have caused the many complexities and conundrums in today’s sports arenas. Moms and dads too often lose sight of what’s important in children’s games and in high anxiety, often forget about appropriate sidelines behav-iour. For such anxious parents, here’s a quick reminder of how they should conduct themselves when watching children play organised sports and games.

• Talk about other children in your child’s team in the same manner you would want other parents to talk about your child. This is the golden rule. Watching children at play needs to become a social rather than an anxious, contentious experience. When you’re making conversation in the stands or on the sidelines with friends and neighbours, think carefully about what you’re saying before you actually say it. To be on the safe side, only voice praise for others’ children.

• It’s natural to give the coach a pat on the back when your team wins. But it’s even nicer to do that after your son/daughter’s team loses. Remember the vast majority of coaches are either volunteers or receiving minimum pay, sacrificing their own time to mentor your child’s team. So say a few kind words, especially when the team hasn’t done well on the day.

• Don’t fail to give the ref and umpire a pat on the back as well. They are flesh-and-blood people too. I assure you, they like it when parents and fans appreciate their on-field efforts as well. Lead the way!

• Remind your child that it’s the effort that matters. We know all kids like to win, it’s normal and natural. But for every winning team or individual, there’s also a loser. Be prepared to cushion your child’s disappointment after a loss by emphasising that she gave her all to the team, and made a praiseworthy effort which is the most important consideration.

• Avoid the PGA — postgame analysis. When the game is over and your child climbs into your car, avoid at all costs the detailed, excruciating postgame analysis of everything she did right or wrong. Just let her chill out, savour the enjoyment of having played, and relax. The absolute worst time for “constructive criticism” is immediately after the game.

• Make sure sports are about all participating children deriving enjoyment from play. Kids take their behavioural cues from you, so do your best to show you’re enjoying yourself even if you have been frustrated and disappointed by unfair play or bad umpiring decisions against your child’s team.

• If you aren’t a ‘good sport’ in the stands, your kids won’t be either. This should be self-evident. If you set a pattern of being a sidelines loudmouth who likes to yell and scream at the ref, coach or opposing team, don’t be surprised when your kids start mimicking your behaviour. Then when your children get a notorious reputation for being bullying loudmouths, you will have only yourself to blame.

• Make an effort to learn the rules of your child’s sport. A lot of kids these days are playing games and sports you may not be familiar with and didn’t play in your youth. So if you don’t know the rules of the game, why not learn them with your children? Besides, it’s a good idea to read the rule book. It might help to broker a peace when there’s a dispute.

• If you must sound off at games, shout words of praise and encouragement. If you’re a screamer and yeller, ensure that when you open your mouth, you’re only pouring forth cheerful encouragement to your child’s team. There’s never place for derogatory, snide or sarcastic comments when children are playing.

• Above all, be there for your children and try to become a fair and sympathetic ambassador for sports and games in general. Support your children, praise them, and let them know they can count on your unconditional support regardless of the final scoreline.

(Dr. George A. Selleck is a San Francisco-based advisor to EduSports, Bangalore)